yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
