dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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