I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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