I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
