On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize