Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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