were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
