dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
