My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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