If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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