I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize