it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
