I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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