We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
