dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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