You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
