I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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