Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
