whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
