My friends, they love my intelligence
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
