I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
