Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
