I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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