nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
