the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
