So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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