allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
