I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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