All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
