All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
bring money and cleavage
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
