She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
