I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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