Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
