Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
