I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
