I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just invented taco cereal.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
