I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
