No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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