ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
