I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
