ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
ttyl tear gas
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
