one two three fourrrrnication!
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Randomize
