I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
