I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Help. Why am I so naked?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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