Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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