I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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