Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
