He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
