I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
you had me at cake vodka
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Randomize
