Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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