the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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