She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
