alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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