STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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