so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize