im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Randomize
