JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
