can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize