i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
