Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
