well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
