I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
