I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
how does that bad decision feel?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
