Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I supernannyed him into submission
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
