i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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