oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
