Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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