Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
