Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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