Im at strip club and am horny
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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